You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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