I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
