He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize