I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
