Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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