so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
