Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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