youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
