I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
