is your mom at the bar?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
