I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
