I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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