i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're like the curious george of whores
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
