She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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