Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
