imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize