he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
why is half of my head shaved?
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