I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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