I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
