I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
