Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
