How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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