It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
