I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
