this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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