So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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