In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i love accidental penises.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
