i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize