he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
