it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
