sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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