I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
