need another drink. this is the easiest way
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
