Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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