I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
