May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
