Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
