Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
