a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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