There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
