That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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