So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
