he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
