Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
