Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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