Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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