You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
