i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
