He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
