Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
