I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
