one two three fourrrrnication!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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