i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
