Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need moral support for this bender
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
