I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
