Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
