Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
