i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
