Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
