That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
