And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
