So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
