So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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