I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
