Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
